My Eureka moment

Dated December 2016.

The only time I would NOT postpone and actually put a blog idea into words would be when the process of writing one would make me postpone the act of studying for a very important exam. (If the previous sentence did not make sense to you, don’t worry. My life doesn’t make any sense either. Ah, just kidding. Everything makes sense on this planet. *Lovin’ the sarcasm*)

So, clearly, any other time when a really good idea enters my mind, I think “Ah, I’ll write this one the next time I’m free. I don’t need to make note of this anywhere because it an extremely wonderful idea and I could never forget it.” A couple hundred episodes of TV series later, I wouldn’t even remotely remember that I had thought about writing anything in the first place. And this applies to almost everything I do everyday, things more common than writing.

There are times when I confuse laziness with forgetfulness because the latter is another gift I was either blessed with by god, or just something I developed over the years as an effect of my constant disinterest in doing anything that would stop me from creating e-mail accounts or countless profiles on websites all over the internet(which did not prove to be of any help anyway). And so, I end up believing that the reason I did not finish doing something was because I forgot to do it and not because I neglected it for something less important. Have you heard people say that when you believe in something with a lot of faith, it becomes true? Well, it does, in your mind. And that’s how, once again, I successfully blame my amnesia(which might not even exist) for my procrastination.

However, I cannot completely rule out the possibility of me forgetting things because there have been times when I did not realize that I had eaten only one box of my lunch at school and when I almost let my friend trick me into believing that he had returned my book(which is lying in his house even today, by the way -that’s how careless I am). And ofcourse that one moment in every student’s life, “I read this concept but I didn’t remember in the exam!” adds to my list of ‘mysteriously forgotten stuff’.

Somehow, miraculously, on rare occasions, I get lucky and remember the right thing at the right time. For instance, the last time I got hiccups in class, I remembered reading a post on the internet which said the hiccups would go away if one looks upward and swallows. I did just that and alas! My hiccups stopped. I cannot find words to describe how proud I felt of myself. Even drinking a glass of water wouldn’t have been as efficient as this trick! If only the lecturer wasn’t teaching at full pace with his eyes mysteriously traveling across the girls’ desks, I would have not kept my happiness to myself. Honestly, it felt like Archimedes’ Eureka moment!

P.S. If you’re curious(I’m sure you’re not but let me just tell you anyway), the exam I was talking about is my end-semester mathematics exam which is scheduled for day-after-tomorrow. Mathematics had always been a subject I considered my friend but now, it’s more of a foe. I can only hope to clear misunderstandings and befriend it again.

P.P.S. If you like the stuff I write(which has to be true because literally no one else visits my blog..unfortunately, google isn’t kind enough to let people wander into my rants even accidentally), please do follow me on Twitter. My tweets are definitely lame but they’re relatable, nonetheless.

http://www.twitter.com/megzcutie

P.P.P.S. Okay that’s a lot of “P”s but, please leave a comment about what you think of this post. It’s been a reeallllyyyyyyyyy long time since I got any feedback, and would love to hear some. Thanks 🙂

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Ambivalence

I feel so foreign sometimes,

in my own body.

I don’t like my self sometimes,

but I’m stuck inside it.

~

I feel like two people…

One that craves attention,

and one that runs from it.

~

I feel like two people…

One that longs for your presence,

and one that pushes you away.

~

I feel like two people…

One that likes you so much,

and one that wishes she didn’t.

~

I feel like two people…

One that feels so alive,

and one that wishes she wasn’t.

Could Ignorance be Bliss?

“Mental illnesses aren’t treated as illnesses,” we whine. “Psychological problems need medical attention,” we whine. “Indian society doesn’t care about neurological disorders,” we whine. It is evident that most people today are trying to spread awareness about the importance of mental health and well being, owing to an increase in the number of young-adult suicides and everything. Thanks to 13 Reasons Why, I suppose.

But what if giving no attention is better than giving too much attention? What if pondering too much about the state of your mind puts it in a state of turmoil? Constantly observing your thoughts and evaluating the way your mind works could make it overthink about overthinking and eventually put you in depression, couldn’t it? Perhaps one would argue that too much of anything in this world is harmful, be it sugar or salt. But we often don’t know how much is too much.

Of course, the concept of meditation says that concentrating on your thoughts helps you channel them better and control them in a productive manner, but that is probably only if you do it right. And most people– I included–don’t even understand how exactly that is. I would rather have one’s mind left as it is than worsen it while intending to make it better.

It is universally accepted that prevention is better than cure, but by training our minds to think right, we are constantly reminding them that there is scope for them to go terribly wrong. Tackle a problem when it appears, I’d say, instead of waiting for it all your life.

Cybermania

When you think of the internet, what comes to your mind? A network of computers? The logos of Whatsapp and Facebook? Or a cute puppy with glasses on Youtube?

When I think of the internet, I can almost immediately imagine a twelve-year-old me, sitting in front of a computer screen, chatting with people who might as well have been terrorists. Sometimes I’d want to go back to that kid and talk some sense into her, but then I’d realize that it would be hypocritical of me to do so because more or less, I am still that kid.

I have literally grown up on the internet. Perhaps owing to the fact that I have no siblings, I had a lot of time to kill on my hands after school every day. It was my obsession to create an account on every email service provider and social networking website to ever exist. I even made a word document listing out all the websites I had accounts on with the corresponding usernames and passwords because it was really difficult to keep them in track. I would spend hours on public chat sites conversing with random people anonymously. On the outside, however, I was always silent. I was the perfect student at school. Obedient, sweet, responsible and always calm. Almost like a robot. The internet was my stress reliever. Now, it wouldn’t come as a surprise to you that I scored 99 percentile in the Social Media section on the Youth4work test we were made to take at college last month, would it?

If that was the case in the presence of a computer, imagine how things evolved when I got a smartphone. My mother’s homemade gulab jamun would go on my Snapchat story before going into my mouth. When I have to cover an event for the press club, I sometimes start to frame sentences that I’d like to write in the report whilst watching the event. I find myself doing the same thing whilst getting scoldings from my parents for doing something insane. A complete dialogue describing the scolding session would be compiled in my mind to text my friends immediately after. And just like every other bad habit, though I realise that my phone is feeding on the insides of my brain, I let it.

But that was until I watched an episode of the show Black Mirror called “Nosedive” recently, upon recommendation from a friend. It portrayed a world where social media plays a fatally major role in our lives. With phones firmly in hand, everyone rates the interactions they have with one another and the photos they post on their profiles — no matter how banal — on a scale from one to five stars. Every rating affects a person’s overall standing. The higher your rating, the more perks you get; the lower your rating, the harder you have to work to keep yourself afloat. Your rating acts as your currency, literally. It all seemed like just a slight exaggeration of today’s society. We all constantly judge and rate each other, online as well as offline. We compare our low points with others’ high points on our Instagram news feed, sinking into insecurity. It’s like quicksand, the more you worry, the more it sucks you in.

However, I would be lying if I said that the internet has only ruined me because it is obvious that I would be nothing close to the person I am today if it wasn’t for the cyberspace. I wouldn’t have my writings published on Wattpad and I wouldn’t have my articles on a blog. I wouldn’t have an inspiring Youtuber who helps me feel better about myself by just watching her videos. I even wouldn’t have a lot of good friends who I’ve got close to via texts, and that, I’m extremely grateful for.

I have always been overthinking by nature, and the web was my escape even as a child. That’s ironic, because today, unfortunately, the internet is what I overthink about.